Discern between Hurt and Harm, Help and Please “There’s a huge difference between hurt and harm. We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. That is not harmful.
Harm is when you damage someone. Facing reality is usually not a damaging experience, even though it can hurt.
Dr Henry cloud
Before helping others:
Ask whether they can help themselves
do I have the resources? (time, resources, energy)
am I a cheerful giver? (do not give with grudging or resentful heart)
what is the fruit ? (gratitude and autonomy or ingratitude and dependency)
Build awareness by asking yourself:
Do I please others? Why?
How often do I help others when they can help themselves?
Is it helping me?
Is it helping them?
What does it cost me to please/help others? Time, money, energy?
Take a moment to remember how often you are scared to hurt others, and you end up pleasing.
Breathe out the fear
Have the courage to make a different choice
Visualise making that choice
Pleasing stems from being scared to hurt Pleasing drains…pleasing helps no one Meaningful relationships are based on the openness to the risk of being hurt.
Help fills us with more energy. It is gratifying.
Helping helps both the giver & the receiver.
Choose hurt over harm, help over pleasing.
Compiled by: Geeta B Bhansali